Image courtesy The Wall Street Journal William Galston
With the widespread news of violence and discrimination, there is an inherent trauma experienced by the black community at disproportionately higher rates. Tension is exacerbated when people of diverse races, backgrounds, and experiences enter the conversation.
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These conversations are made more challenging because of deeply ingrained emotions. Each of us has core beliefs that forge our sense of right and wrong. Those beliefs, as simple as right and wrong, will be different in each of us. When unstable or unbalanced, we'll feel this strongly.
The fear of saying the wrong things keeps us from attempting to engage in any discussion on race and inequality even at the outset. This anxiety occurs because of the ambivalent return on investment, i.e., taking apart systemic racism, for example, when comparing the risk of having our beliefs rejected is more pronounced.
Having such conversations gives the impression we are speaking of specific problems, although we are just talking about core values and our perspective of how the world should look.
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A reflective dialogue enables us to recognize the differences in perspectives while encouraging compassion. While the solution probably won't be a resolution of systemic racism; however, it begins with a validation that fears are understood and known.
But, if these talks aren't going on in your workplace, it may be advantageous to start them.
We spend vast amounts of time together, and yet we can't and won't talk about it.
If you're feeling a specific emotion, the likelihood of others feeling the same is great. Why not discuss it with empathy? Our fear of what could perhaps go wrong is minimal compared to the anxiety generated if people were to embellish these fears internally.
Below are some suggestions to keep discussions on race and inequities on track:
Be straightforward and thorough with your feedback, and fully clarify why you're having the conversation.
This is not a discussion you want to have in the spur of the moment. You want to think of what you're going to say, as well as foresee how the other person might react.
Outline the review and the reason you're having the conversation, but don't stop there.
Nothing is worse than delivering an assessment and leaving it just at that. You'll want to clearly explain the reason for the conversation, the specific review, and then offer suggestions to improve.
You want to have the conversation in an even manner and keep it professional. Don't let your emotions dictate your delivery. The more in control you are of your feelings, the better you'll be able to deliver the message.
While your delivery of the message should be stoical, this doesn't mean you shouldn't empathize. Think of how the other person will feel during the conversation, and allow them to deal with their emotions.
Ask questions helps the other person process what's happened, and it allows you to clarify and solidify details of the conversation. If you aren't sure that the other person fully comprehended the conversation, ask clarifying questions to check their understanding.
We are here to help you. Woods Kovalova Group has the skill and tools to help you develop an inclusive culture that positively impacts the bottom line. Let's talk.
About Jim Woods
Jim Woods is President of Woods Kovalova Group Training. His firm and partners have advised and trained clients from over 30 countries since 1998. He is an author of 3 leadership books and two children’s. Happily married to his business partner Lucy Kovalova-Woods. Their work has helped individuals and leaders in companies such as MITRE, Whirlpool, U.S. Army, and Chevron. We encourage you to schedule a phone call to see how we can help you build an innovative and diverse employee base that meets the needs of your customers.